Wednesday, November 24, 2010

My Understanding Men

Ok this vaginal penetration limitation from surgery is starting to depress me beyond using humor as a coping mechanism. It's not funny anymore! Actually I just read that a week after the surgery is when things down there get really wonky. Painful. More bleedy. All a part of the healing process. Lovely. Just lovely. So I can't fuck AND it's like having a three week period. A painful one. Happy holidays!

Last night Rabbit worked a night shift. My mother had dropped off already cooked Thanksgiving food before heading off for her out of town plans. My little family had a mini feast. There's enough left over to have a little feast with Rabbit tonight. Tomorrow we go to my husband's girlfriend's house for more celebrating.

Thanksgiving with our chosen family, instead of gathering with family you're assigned that you may or may not enjoy? This just might be the best Thanksgiving ever!

I wonder if people who had an ehhhh family life are more attracted to poly? You really do build your own perfect family. Hmm. Must think more about that.

So last night we had our mini feast and put the kids to bed. Husband and I lounged on the couch and caught up with our shows. My plan was to have some sexy alone time with him. That's when the cramps hit. THe last thing I wanted was sexy alone time. With anyone!

Guilt guilt guilt. I feel broken. I know it's only three weeks but damn! That's like, forever and shit.

I have a husband with a healthy sex drive and a boyfriend with an insatiable one. And I feel so gross I don't even want to give a hand job. This is quite difficult on a woman who really, truly enjoys sex.

That's when Rabbit texted from work, asking if he could come by instead of heading to his place. I was in my granny nightie, no makeup, and feeling like hell and tired. I texted back saying sure, but I'm not up for anything except cuddling. That ok? He said of course. He wanted to get to bed early anyway.

Rabbit arrived while my husband and I were sitting together in bed, talking about my current state of unsexiness. Husband was trying to comfort me. I was also amused/confused that Rabbit was so keen on spending so much time with me lately. Sometimes Rabbit gets in the headspace that he needs to be alone or spend more with friends. Which I get. ANd support! Then there are cycles where he can't get enough of me.

A part of me wishes he'd be in that friend/alone cycle just so I don't disappoint him with my lack of arousal lately!!

Rabbit now has a key to our place. He came in and up to the bedroom. Rabbit curled up behind me. One man held my hand. The other stroked my hair. It was so loving. My husband assured me, "We both love you. You're recovering from surgery." Rabbit said, "What kind of a dick would I be if I got pissed that you weren't in the mood to get me off?"

Husband went to sleep. Rabbit and I stayed up and talked and got silly and laughed ourselves to sleep. We are really clicking in the goofball department lately. Maybe the lack of fucking is causing us to bond more as friends.

This morning I opened my eyes to find Rabbit's face inches from mine. "Hi!" he shouted. "I'm handsome!" He popped up and waved goodbye as he left for work. I laughed, rolled over, and fell back to sleep.

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