Monday, January 24, 2011

I'll be back soon, promise!!

I'm typing this while two pugs are at my feet, gnawing on chewies. Snarf, slurp, burp, repeat.

2011 has been... overwhelming. Weird. Wonderful.

Things I must write about:

How two of my gorgeous friends gave themselves to me as birthday presents.
How another friend showed me the famous Shelf Trick.
Seducing a 22 year old adorable boy at a party.
Getting pierced up with The Rabbit.
Getting more involved with Sex Positive St. Louis
The fetish parties!
The sexy warehouse!
The things I did at the fetish parties at the sexy warehouse!
The return of The Prince.

But enough about me. How's my hair?

Friday, January 21, 2011


It's Friday. Friiiiday. FRIIIIIIDAY! Can you feel me? Do you WANT to feel me? I'm soft!

My last post was about the mystery brunette that Rabbit and I fell head over heels infatuated with at the KUFF party.

She will forever remain a mystery.

It seems something about our situation must not work for her. She isn't returning emails or texts. At first I was really sad. Now I realize that it's for the best. Perhaps her home life didn't allow for this type of arrangement. Maybe the situation was too crazy for her. You never know. I just wish she would have mailed back to explain. There was such an amazing connection. SAD FACE!

Underneath it all, I really am a softie who just wants to be loved. Awww. Tender.

Rabbit and I had an aaaaamazing night last night. We talked. No sex. Talking. We hammered out all the details of our relationship. Usually he hammers me. Ba da bing! We kept our hands off each other. We held one another. We read through a poly book for some advice. We agreed that right now we will explore our options as a couple. No solo dating for the time being. To my surprise, Rabbit is not ready. He said, "I am head over heels for you. You are my world. You are my life partner. I don't want to do anything to hurt us." That and he admitted he's still honeymooning with me. He's only interested in a woman he can have a strong connection with. No desire to just get laid or casual dating. He wants it all.

Rabbit also admitted he's in love with Pussy Pie. The girl. And the dish. haha. PP writes for The Collection. She is a ten year girlfriend of his. And one of mine. I adore her. She is... amazing. Funny. Smart. Sexy. She's a poly married girl with kids who lives four hours away. Rabbit realized she means a lot to him. When he told me he loved her, I hugged him. I was happy for him. Not at all jealous. Happy. She would be an ideal other girlfriend for him, if she lived closer. Maybe one day... For now, we will deal with only seeing her a few times a year.

There's SO MUCH to talk about BUT we've had two snow days in a row. Two days of the kids being home and bored. I will now go entertain them by organizing races on their butts down the hallway. The first one to scoot to the kitchen and back wins. BONUS- it tires them out so they will be keen on resting a bit. Or early bedtime??

Tonight my husband is home with them so I can go to a pajama party with my friends. I'll be sure to update what happened soon!!

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Welcome back to Wonderland

What. The. Fuck. Just. Happened?

The Rabbit and I had a rough week, as you read. It was tough learning he desired seeing others. The Rabbit wasn't so clear with his intentions. As with all things when it comes to us, he got emotional and the words did not come out properly.

Yes, he wants to date. He is not in any hurry. He wants me as his primary and he only wants to see a woman who respects that and fits in with our arrangement. Would I be comfortable easing into this by dating someone together? I said sure, but finding someone takes time. He said that's ok! He's in no hurry. He knows I am a good match for him and doesn't want to do anything to lose us. We came way too close this time and I think it was a big wake up call for Rabbit.

We were supposed to get together alone on Saturday and talk. Friday night there was a party honoring The Beautiful Kind, who is a local celebrity/sex positive blogger. She was just interviewed by Hustler Magazine. There is a sexual revolution taking place in St. Louis right now and she's one of the main reasons why. I adore her and could not miss her party.

The Rabbit was sad. We were supposed to go together. Could we? Could we go as our old selves and then talk on Saturday? I said sure. Let's do it.

The party was... WOW. Wow. Just... wow. But that's a blog entry for another time!

We woke up Saturday morning after having sex for at least two hours, maybe three. I learned there was another party Saturday night in the same place for an under 40 fetish group. All fetishes welcome. Since we dabble a bit in BDSM, I wanted to check it out. Should we? Should we go and still be our old selves and then talk on Sunday?

Yeah,what the hell!!

The parties are being held in a warehouse. You walk in and it looks like a massive loft warehouse that hasn't been remodeled yet. A DJ is set up in the front with lights and smoke machines.The owners have made little living room seating areas downstairs. There are lockers to lock up purses, etc. There are long tables for eating and socializing. It's decorated like a Goodwill showroom. There are even decorated Xmas trees. It's something to see!

Upstairs is a loft space overlooking the downstairs. It's an industrial looking space with hanging lights, concrete floors, and BDSM equipment. As in- tables, equipment to get tied up to, a huge bed, and then a table filled with sanitation equipment. This particular fetish party had a no penetration, no oral, no exchange of bodily fluids rule that was STRICTLY enforced. If you were leaned over a table to be spanked, the table must be sanitized when done.

The party was for a group of kinksters under 40. A group of older, experienced kinksters were on hand to help the younger crowd learn to play safely. All fetishes were represented. Doms. Subs. Costumes. LIttles. Furries. It was interesting to see!!

Rabbit and I were there with my husband and Darling Nikki. We had to go to a pub to present ID, drop off a canned good for a food pantry, then get a ticket and directions to the warehouse. So funny to see sexily dressed kinksters walking into an Irish pub!!

We then went to the warehouse. Rabbit and I had been there the night before but Darling Niki and Rev had eyes wide open. What a surreal experience. It's like driving up to a set of a Batman movie. Huge warehouse with towers. Snow. Dark. Scary!

We went inside. Sat on the couches. People came up and said hi. VERY friendly crowd. We chatted with a few people and drank soda (no alcohol allowed.) ONe of the older kinkster members put on a demonstration on how to play safely. I learned so much about scary things like Hep C and transmission of bad germies. Very interesting lecture!

Then a raven haired girl in a white corset walked in. We locked eyes. I watched her walk across the room. She stood there and stared at me. I stared back. Hmm... she's interesting... then something else distracted me and I lost track of her.

Then the play party began. Meaning- it was then legal to use the BDSM equipment under the strict guidelines. Downstairs they had a room with a pool filled with baby oil. Next thing I knew Darling Niki was naked except for boy shorts and electrical tape over her nipples and in a blow up pool oil wrestling two dark haired younger girls. Rabbit and I were LOVING THAT! Of course that's what Niki was doing!! It's Niki!!!

I had left the area where Niki was oil wrestling. Rabbit took her up to the bathroom to attempt to bathe her in the sink. I found a mutual friend I know from outside of the kink world. That is happening more and more lately. The people I knew from meetings and groups and work related parts of my life are surfacing as poly, kinky, etc. It's comforting. We both came out to each other recently, so it wasn't a shock to see her. HOWEVER. Standing next to her? The raven haired beauty in the white corset.

My friend introduced us. The dark haired girl locked eyes with me again and did not let go. She was giving me the once over and was not shy about showing her interest. I got shivers. No girl has ever been that bold with me before.

So I looked back. I stared back. I would not let her look away. We stood in the downstairs, near the seating area, just staring. People tried to talk to us. No one existed. Just two brunettes in daring outfits, getting lost in each others gazes.

I walked over to stand next to her and traced my finger down her arm. A bold move for me. She shivered and leaned her body into mine and tucked her face onto my shoulder. I smelled her hair. She smelled delicious.

NExt thing I knew we had our hands all over each other. Tender, stroking, loving, touches. Staring. Not realizing anyone around us existed. It was instant hot chemistry between total strangers.

That's when I realized I was living a fantasy. I was in an eclectic warehouse filled with moans of people being flogged, and people running around in costumes, and big smiles and very comforting, and I was in the arms of a beautiful and mysterious stranger girl. I knew nothing about her. She knew nothing about me. Wow was that hot.

I pulled away and introduced Rabbit. She gave him the eyes as well. Oh? Really.... interesting... We went upstairs and watched some of the demonstrations. She kept looking over at me. I then left to use the restroom. Came back. Rabbit whispered she was staring at him the entire time.

I pulled her over. Asked if she wanted to walk around with me? She said yes. Rabbit said, "I'll leave you two alone." She said, "Oh really? How sad!" I urged him to come along. She reached for him and pulled him into us. The three of us just stood there touching, caressing, and then kissing. We never took our walk. We stood in the middle of the room and stared and kissed and caressed.

My mind was blown.

It was erotic and wild, yet felt very comfortable and safe. There were moments the two of them held each other and just stared at me. Both with their curly hair and glasses and intense gazes. Both of them looking like they wanted to devour me. I swooned. I could barely stand. None of us spoke. We just held each other and kissed and touched. She moaned as I kissed her. AHHH! So amazing.

The upstairs was getting busy with BDSM activities. I had to run downstairs to put my heavy purse in a locker. I stood downstairs and looked up into the loft. The mystery girl and Rabbit were looking down at me. I watched as Rabbit took her into his arms and kissed her. He knew I was watching. He wanted to turn me on. He did.

He brought her downstairs and handed her over to me. More touching. More holding. More kissing. Then she had to go. Her friend was leaving. Rabbit got out his phone and got her number. I asked if she wanted to go on a date with us sometime. She said yes. She was giddy when she said yes. Then she was gone.

Rabbit and I stood in silence. Then we looked at each other, eyes wide. "Did that just...." "Yeah, it did. That happened." "But we said we wanted to date a girl together and one just appears. LIke magic."

We were pretty much stunned for the rest of the night. It actually exhausted me emotionally. I wanted to go home and sleep and clear my head and wake up and wonder if it was all just a dream.

Nope. It's real.

I think.

Now THAT was quite a fantasy. Raven haired girl in sexy glasses and white corset seduces couple? That doesn't actually happen in real life, does it??

It does in mine.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Goodbye Rabbit?

I am typing this, realizing there is blood on my hands. I have cried so hard my nose is bleeding. I thought I was wiping away snot. My ladylike attitude goes to hell when I'm upset.

I find the blood on my hands to be comforting. It's a sign I'm still alive. Even tho I feel dead inside. Wow, that was 13 year old Live Journal shit right there. Fuck it. I've earned it.

The Rabbit and I are having problems. I am taking time away to figure out what to do.

The Rabbit and I had a connection that even my husband said was magical. That Rabbit and I connected beyond thought or words. It was a soul connection that transfixed both of us. Maybe, if you believe in past lives, it was a reconnection. Only those who saw us together can understand how we connected.

Right now my inner voice is screaming no no no no NO! We are not done! But my logical brain says STOP! I'm done. I'm so done. I'm so hurt and sad and wonder if I can continue with him.

I love him. My soul loves him. My brain hates him right now.

The blood dries on my hands. I stare and wonder if I will ever figure this out.