I love when he says that.
Did it happen when we slept together for the first time? I mean sleep. Zzz. Sawing logs. That expression makes me giggle. I used to think it meant pooping. I can't write it without giggling like a 12 year old. Poop! I'm a child!!!
3am and we fell asleep together. Quite unusual for me. I've never slept with a boyfriend. I have hard core sleep issues. I just can't relax enough to fall asleep with anyone but Mari, my husband. I WANTED him next to me. I asked him to stay. To sleep. He nodded and said, "Yes." Then his eyes looked into mine.My heart pounded. This man. Oh this man...
I woke up at 5am and we were face to face. I opened my eyes. He opened his. We both smiled. We fell back to sleep. How did we both do that at the same time? I have puny eyelashes. They don't send out a cool breeze when I blink.
8am. We did it again.
930am. Again. This time we laughed. He took me into his arms and whispered, "I love you. I love you so fucking much." We held each other tightly. He rolled on top of me and slid inside. "I cannot get enough of you. I'm so fucking in love with you."
And THAT, my friends, is the White Rabbit. INTO IT. Always. Always at 100 percent. His attention. His focus. His adoration. He doesn't go long without telling you how beautiful you are. He stares. Up and down. He devours. He teases. He's bratty. He's loving. He treats you like you are the only woman who exists.
He's good.
But so am I.
I know what we have is special. I know he knows it as well. But we both know who we are. We both know we're addicted to the rush of a new relationship. Who knows- maybe WR is like that with all of his ladies. Right now, I don't care. If he's in love with me when I'm in front of him, so be it. At least I get to experience that rush with him.
At least that is how I thought when we said goodbye on Sunday morning. I can do this. I can handle being bright and shiny when I'm in front of him. I can handle his Others. I can handle the thought of him having Others. Because when we are together, he's only focused on me.
Then our dynamic shifted.
WR was moved by our weekend as well. When we saw each other again it was even more intense. Even more surreal. Neither of us knew what to say. We tripped over our words. We said idiotic things. We were both nervous. So funny coming from such players. Two pros meeting their match and finding themselves totally disarmed. Bright and Shiny- meet Bright and Shiny. Have fun going blind.
Last night I went to his place. I dressed for sex. He greeted me in our courtyard, the scene of most of our relationship changing moments, and his eyes went wide with desire. There it is again. That appreciation. That adoration. Making me feel like the sexiest woman, not only in his world, but the entire world.
We went upstairs and to his room. On his bedside stand was a canister of chocolate icing, whip cream, Nutella, honey, and chocolate syrup. There was also a brand new shower curtain.
We ended up getting ridiculously high. We spread out the shower curtain and he started with the whip cream. He sprayed some on me and I grabbed it from his hand and emptied a ton into my mouth. He got on top of me and leaned down and ate it out of my mouth. He sprayed more and his mouth crushed mine. Biting. Licking. Teasing. He leaned back and emptied the entire canister of whip cream up and down my body and rubbed it in. Then he opened the honey. He drizzled it everywhere. THen came the chocolate syrup. Everywhere.
I sat up as he reached for the Nutella. I was able to grab a huge scoop in my hands and rub it in his curly hair and on his face. He grinned as he coated my back in Nutella. We slid up and down each others bodies, giggling, moaning, and giggling some more.
WR opened the icing. I scooped out a huge handful and shoved it into his mouth. Then I rubbed more onto his cock and sucked him. I looked up and smiled, "That's what you call a 700 calorie blow job."
He pushed me back and we kissed and kissed and kissed. We were brown. Sticky. We smelled like Dairy Queen. We didn't care.
We started to get uncomfortable and realized we needed to shower. We went into his white bathroom with the white cotton shower curtain. See where I'm going with this? We were brown and sticky in a white bathroom. Soon the bathroom was as well.
I kept laughing. So high, so in love, so happy. We showered each other off. Soaped each other up. Washed our hair. Held onto one another under the water.
WR left the bathroom to write a note to his roommate. "It's chocolate. Not poop. I'll clean it up in the morning." He hung it up over a chocolate hand print. I took a picture, laughing so hard that I knew his roomie would wake up. THen I walked back into the bedroom and doubled over with laughter again when I saw the bed. The shower curtain that was supposed to protect the bed? Didn't work. And why didn't we remove all the velvet pillows beforehand?
WR stripped the bed. There was a lone dryer sheet resting on the mattress. He picked it up and then put it back down on the mattress. I began laughing again. "What, are you laughing at my dyer sheet?" More laughter. It was just so absurd. We are absurd. It's so much fun. And my GOD he is so damn cute. And hot. Sexy. He is over the top sexy.
The rest of the night we made love on his stripped bed. We were mad crazy for one another. Saying mad crazy things. Talking of forever. Saying things teenagers say when caught up in the moment.
That's my relationship with WR. Moments. Memorable, over the top, amazing, mad crazy moments.
I am choosing now to enjoy, rather than question. I am going to focus on those moments, the moment I am in with him, rather than dread how it will end. Passionate relationships can burn out as quickly as they caught on fire. I don't see that happening anytime soon. There is much for WR and I do to. Much to explore.
I am also a realist. I go into this knowing who we are and what we are capable of giving. And taking.
This is just the beginning??? It's going to get verrrrry interesting...
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