Sunday, July 18, 2010

Is There Room In Your Life For One More Breakdown?

Hey guess what. The Rabbit and I had another fight. Who's shocked? Let's see a show of hands. Anyone? Anyone? Should I say Bueller Bueller now?

We're so fucking predictable. We can only go a few days without seeing each other before all hell breaks loose in our heads. We fell into playa mode. Treated each other like budz. With a Z. The wrong thing was said. Kapow! Another explosion.

This one was the most epic battle yet and began outside my fav tattoo shop. Cute neighborhood. Shining blinding sun, even with sunglasses. Heat frying the parts of my new tattoo that were peeking out from under the bandages. Throbbing pain in my arm. Throbbing pain in my head. Throbbing pain in my ass. Why am I in this relationship??

The Rabbit had come to the shop to hold my hand during some painful work being done on my sleeve. We had started clashing the night before but he agreed to come sit with me and then we'd deal with our issues later. We were fine during the appointment until I casually brought up that I was going out to the bars Sunday night. Rabbit's face clouded. I saw it happen. It made me feel good. Was the Rabbit actually JEALOUS? Then I felt awful. Why did it make me feel so good to make him feel so bad?

From the sidewalk to the walk to the car to the drive home, we battled. We sat in his car on my street and were both in tears. WHAT THE FUCK? What is wrong with us and why can't we make this work? It's so good when we're together. Why do we let things go to hell when we're apart?

And there it was. THe Rabbit made a confession. A revealing, emotional confession that made everything so clear. Something he was doing. Something I was doing. Both of us doing same wrong thing to each other. The details are too personal to post here, but it made me look at him completely differently.

I started to like him.

Oh, I love my Bunny. I love all of his sides. But I wasn't sure if I liked most of them. I know that sounds kooky but consider the source.

He said he wanted to come in. He didn't want to be away from me. He came in. He played with the kids. I made dinner. Mari then headed out to a function. Rabbit and I had a dessert picnic on the floor with the kids. We tucked them in. He kissed them goodnight. I melted. He's so good with them.They adore him. He told me he wants to be there as they grow up. Oh Bunny.

This has such amazing potential if only he and I could get over ourselves long enough to make it work.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Alice stars in an almost Arrested Development

Whew! Another journal entry written on only 3 hours of sleep. Don't expect perfect writing. You shouldn't expect that from me anyway. Lower the expectations, darling. Less chance of disappointment.

As I've said before, the White Rabbit and I do not have normal dates. Never. Not one. We get together and all hell breaks loose.

Last night was our date night. I have to giggle because that sounds so cute. Date night! Hand holding while we watch the sun set. Naming stars after each other. Smoochie poopie widdle doodle.

Our idea of romance is deciding where he's going to cum on me.

Actually, the WR is quite the romantic. It's twisted romance that only a freak like me could appreciate. Like last night. Our date night was about him being in charge of my mind and my body.

I arrived at his place feeling prickly due to a bitchy mood. I walked in and WR seemed distracted. I was distracted. We were not connecting at all. We were like our old selves and the less we clicked, the more we both pulled away. We really have to watch that. We need to greet one another and connect. Even tho we are cool now, there will always be worries on both sides of that player VS player mentality.

I demanded that we shut up and fuck. He said no. Later. I said yes. Now. I got my way. Within moments we were in the same head space and clicking again. It doesn't hurt that we have mind altering sex. Maybe that's the solution. If we get pissy with each other, take off your damn pants and let's fuck the attitude away.

He told me to collect myself because we were going out. What? I thought we were staying in... but THAT is WR. He loves to plan elaborate surprises for me.

Phase 1 was planned to throw me off. We arrived at a bar and ordered drinks. A cute little tattooed blonde approached, smiling. My first thought was, "Oh shit. She knows me and I can't remember her... ack!" She introduced herself and sat down and smiled at WR. Oh? OH... OH! Did WR set up a THREESOME????

I wasn't sure what to think. At times it seemed like yes, we were going to take this girl home. And other times.. no... I was totally thrown off. Later WR said that was the point. He planned it that way. He set it up for that girl to be there, to hang with us, and for me to think the entire time it would end in a three way.

After chatting and flirting with her, WR told me to finish my drink, we were heading to our next destination. She blew me a kiss and he and he and I walked out. At this point I still didn't know what was happening but assumed, ok, so not a threesome??

I got into his car and he blindfolded me. He was in full White Rabbit mode. Totally in charge. Barking orders. Being a little meanie. I expected to hear the back door of his car open and for the cute blonde to hop in. Nope. Didn't happen. Hmm.. where was he taking me???

He was blasting Marilyn Manson and the song totally fit the moment. Did WR plan that, too? Wouldn't surprise me. We got to our destination and he commanded me to stay put. He'd help me out of the car. Good because I was in sky high heels and blindfolded. He took me by the hand and talked me through each step. We went up steps. I heard his head hit a wind chime. A wind chime? Yeah we weren't going to his place. Where were we??

I heard a door open and smelled that musty, closed up house smell. I heard laughter. He talked me up a flight of stairs. Once I reached the top he walked behind me and shoved me down hard onto the floor. Dirty hardwood. Yet I felt a breeze. I heard voices. More laughter. Were we going to be watched?? Were we at the cute blonde's place?

I felt him shoving his cock into my mouth and commanding me to suck him. The voices grew louder. I heard cars. Horns. As if we were outside. On a balcony??? I hesitated. What had he gotten me into?

WR sensed I was uncomfortable and removed my blindfold. I blinked and looked around.

The rest of this moment can't be told, my darlings. Let's just say we were somewhere we shouldn't have been. Let's just say there was some non vanilla action that occurred. WR then stopped the action and told me to get dressed, as we had another stop to make. His place? Nope. Ok... WHAT NOW?

Then we were surrounded by police.

That was not part of WR's plan.

Thankfully the story had a peaceful ending. We were questioned and let go. WR and I immediately ended the "Surprise the Sub Adventure." Where can you go from almost getting arrested?? We went back to his place and crawled into bed and held one another. We laughed. WHAT THE HELL??? ANd laughed some more. That is, until I discovered a freaky ass insect on his wall unlike any we had ever seen. Even WR's house bugs are over the top.

I got home at 3am and woke up Mari and told him the tale. He listened, wide eyed. He hugged me and said he was thankful he didn't have to bail his lovers out of jail. I told him we need him. We need him to keep us on planet earth. WR and I trouble.

I'd like to have a normal date with WR just to see if we can pull it off. Maybe a movie night. Popcorn. Cheap beer. But knowing us, we'd start the movie and a tornado would hit the house.

Friday, July 9, 2010


He promises fairy tales. He says he will make them come true. He says I am his Queen.

I'll give you one guess as to whom I writing about.

The White Rabbit and I had our State of the Relationship last night. His place. Should have gone someplace neutral. Should have worn a shirt that didn't show off the boobage. Should have talked in the living room. Should have put a bag over his head so I couldn't be hypnotized by his fuck me eyes.

It was awfully hard to concentrate with that incredibly sexy man sitting across from me on his bed. That low to the floor, creaky bed that's seen way too much action. It's lined with pillows. Covered in high quality sheets. Last night they matched his shirt. There's a fat gray cat that wanders between us. I stroke the cat. I want to stroke the Rabbit.

State of the relationship. Must concentrate.

The White Rabbit stares at me. His eyes wander down to my chest. I talk. His eyes fill with lust. He reaches for me. I resist. For a second. I want to give in. I want him inside. I want to fuck our problems away.


I pulled back. This time just physically. I opened up emotionally. It wasn't easy. I came over with my walls up. Feeling distant and removed. He went first. He opened up to me. He was Real. My walls started to come down. I reached for him. Oh how I want to get lost in this man.


I moved to the edge of the bed. I can't break his spell. I look at him and time stops. Angels sing. Fabio stands in the room in a white fluffy shirt with his hair blowing back in the breeze. It's paperback romance heaving chests and throbbing member page turners. This is a relationship that must continue. Player egos be damned!

We negotiated. We set rules. Boundaries. We did exactly what I had hoped we would do. It's not going to be perfect. We will fuck up. We will have more epic battles. Legendary make up sex. Dates that demand to be written about. Love. So so so much love.

The most impressive thing about our night was experiencing the immediate results of our discussion. We were able to discuss our Others without jealousy. I got details about the Shinies he is pursuing. I didn't flinch. It didn't disturb me. Maybe because I felt confident about my place in his head and his heart. Awww HOAKY LINE but damn! I've had five hours of sleep and am still love stoned. I just need to get these thoughts out, journal style. "Dear dear diary, I wanna tell my secrets. Cuz you're the only one that I know will keep them..."

I felt as if we were finally working as a team. He and I working for the greater good of us is pretty fucking powerful. When we're on OUR side, we are the kind of couple that gets featured in movies starring impossibly gorgeous people making way too much money to pretend to be someone else.

NO one will have what we have because it's based on OUR chemistry when together. Yes, he will connect with other girls. I will be ga ga over other boys. But no one else will experience what we have when together because it's ours. Uniquely ours based on what happens when we connect. THAT is what I must remember on the days I don't see him and he's seeing someone else. THAT is one of the lessons I must learn about polyamory.

We agreed to work toward something Grand. Something bigger than ourselves. Something long term and legendary. Oh his words. So over the top. So beautiful. No one has ever spoken to me like he does. It's why I have a hard time believing this is real. Pretty boys. Pretty lies. Please let them be true. Please let him be real.

The moon lights up the street. The fireflies play chase around the bushes. The leaves rustle in the breeze. The crickets chirp. It's for us. A beautiful world we barely notice as we stand in the middle of the street and stare at each other. He holds me. He doesn't let go. I breathe him in. I don't want to breathe him out. I lace my fingers through his curls. He speaks into my ear. Says I am his. He is mine. We are one.

I went looking for adventure. I found the White Rabbit. Oh I'm getting my adventures. And then some.

Monday, July 5, 2010

Fuck Bunny

I am going to have make-up sex with the White Rabbit.

Fiery, explosive, clawing, pinned down, wrestling around, ANGRY/LOVING make up sex with the Rabbit.

Oh yeah, we had another "dispute." We fight like we fuck. We fuck like we fight.

We're all better now via emails and texts. Haven't spoken to him yet. Haven't seen him in person. I think when I do someone is going to get hurt. As in physically hurt. Probably both of us. We'll end up in the ER from make-up sex injuries.

He's a brat.

So am I.

I wish he wasn't so shiny.