Friday, July 9, 2010


He promises fairy tales. He says he will make them come true. He says I am his Queen.

I'll give you one guess as to whom I writing about.

The White Rabbit and I had our State of the Relationship last night. His place. Should have gone someplace neutral. Should have worn a shirt that didn't show off the boobage. Should have talked in the living room. Should have put a bag over his head so I couldn't be hypnotized by his fuck me eyes.

It was awfully hard to concentrate with that incredibly sexy man sitting across from me on his bed. That low to the floor, creaky bed that's seen way too much action. It's lined with pillows. Covered in high quality sheets. Last night they matched his shirt. There's a fat gray cat that wanders between us. I stroke the cat. I want to stroke the Rabbit.

State of the relationship. Must concentrate.

The White Rabbit stares at me. His eyes wander down to my chest. I talk. His eyes fill with lust. He reaches for me. I resist. For a second. I want to give in. I want him inside. I want to fuck our problems away.


I pulled back. This time just physically. I opened up emotionally. It wasn't easy. I came over with my walls up. Feeling distant and removed. He went first. He opened up to me. He was Real. My walls started to come down. I reached for him. Oh how I want to get lost in this man.


I moved to the edge of the bed. I can't break his spell. I look at him and time stops. Angels sing. Fabio stands in the room in a white fluffy shirt with his hair blowing back in the breeze. It's paperback romance heaving chests and throbbing member page turners. This is a relationship that must continue. Player egos be damned!

We negotiated. We set rules. Boundaries. We did exactly what I had hoped we would do. It's not going to be perfect. We will fuck up. We will have more epic battles. Legendary make up sex. Dates that demand to be written about. Love. So so so much love.

The most impressive thing about our night was experiencing the immediate results of our discussion. We were able to discuss our Others without jealousy. I got details about the Shinies he is pursuing. I didn't flinch. It didn't disturb me. Maybe because I felt confident about my place in his head and his heart. Awww HOAKY LINE but damn! I've had five hours of sleep and am still love stoned. I just need to get these thoughts out, journal style. "Dear dear diary, I wanna tell my secrets. Cuz you're the only one that I know will keep them..."

I felt as if we were finally working as a team. He and I working for the greater good of us is pretty fucking powerful. When we're on OUR side, we are the kind of couple that gets featured in movies starring impossibly gorgeous people making way too much money to pretend to be someone else.

NO one will have what we have because it's based on OUR chemistry when together. Yes, he will connect with other girls. I will be ga ga over other boys. But no one else will experience what we have when together because it's ours. Uniquely ours based on what happens when we connect. THAT is what I must remember on the days I don't see him and he's seeing someone else. THAT is one of the lessons I must learn about polyamory.

We agreed to work toward something Grand. Something bigger than ourselves. Something long term and legendary. Oh his words. So over the top. So beautiful. No one has ever spoken to me like he does. It's why I have a hard time believing this is real. Pretty boys. Pretty lies. Please let them be true. Please let him be real.

The moon lights up the street. The fireflies play chase around the bushes. The leaves rustle in the breeze. The crickets chirp. It's for us. A beautiful world we barely notice as we stand in the middle of the street and stare at each other. He holds me. He doesn't let go. I breathe him in. I don't want to breathe him out. I lace my fingers through his curls. He speaks into my ear. Says I am his. He is mine. We are one.

I went looking for adventure. I found the White Rabbit. Oh I'm getting my adventures. And then some.

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