Sunday, July 18, 2010

Is There Room In Your Life For One More Breakdown?

Hey guess what. The Rabbit and I had another fight. Who's shocked? Let's see a show of hands. Anyone? Anyone? Should I say Bueller Bueller now?

We're so fucking predictable. We can only go a few days without seeing each other before all hell breaks loose in our heads. We fell into playa mode. Treated each other like budz. With a Z. The wrong thing was said. Kapow! Another explosion.

This one was the most epic battle yet and began outside my fav tattoo shop. Cute neighborhood. Shining blinding sun, even with sunglasses. Heat frying the parts of my new tattoo that were peeking out from under the bandages. Throbbing pain in my arm. Throbbing pain in my head. Throbbing pain in my ass. Why am I in this relationship??

The Rabbit had come to the shop to hold my hand during some painful work being done on my sleeve. We had started clashing the night before but he agreed to come sit with me and then we'd deal with our issues later. We were fine during the appointment until I casually brought up that I was going out to the bars Sunday night. Rabbit's face clouded. I saw it happen. It made me feel good. Was the Rabbit actually JEALOUS? Then I felt awful. Why did it make me feel so good to make him feel so bad?

From the sidewalk to the walk to the car to the drive home, we battled. We sat in his car on my street and were both in tears. WHAT THE FUCK? What is wrong with us and why can't we make this work? It's so good when we're together. Why do we let things go to hell when we're apart?

And there it was. THe Rabbit made a confession. A revealing, emotional confession that made everything so clear. Something he was doing. Something I was doing. Both of us doing same wrong thing to each other. The details are too personal to post here, but it made me look at him completely differently.

I started to like him.

Oh, I love my Bunny. I love all of his sides. But I wasn't sure if I liked most of them. I know that sounds kooky but consider the source.

He said he wanted to come in. He didn't want to be away from me. He came in. He played with the kids. I made dinner. Mari then headed out to a function. Rabbit and I had a dessert picnic on the floor with the kids. We tucked them in. He kissed them goodnight. I melted. He's so good with them.They adore him. He told me he wants to be there as they grow up. Oh Bunny.

This has such amazing potential if only he and I could get over ourselves long enough to make it work.

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