Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Goodbye Rabbit?

I am typing this, realizing there is blood on my hands. I have cried so hard my nose is bleeding. I thought I was wiping away snot. My ladylike attitude goes to hell when I'm upset.

I find the blood on my hands to be comforting. It's a sign I'm still alive. Even tho I feel dead inside. Wow, that was 13 year old Live Journal shit right there. Fuck it. I've earned it.

The Rabbit and I are having problems. I am taking time away to figure out what to do.

The Rabbit and I had a connection that even my husband said was magical. That Rabbit and I connected beyond thought or words. It was a soul connection that transfixed both of us. Maybe, if you believe in past lives, it was a reconnection. Only those who saw us together can understand how we connected.

Right now my inner voice is screaming no no no no NO! We are not done! But my logical brain says STOP! I'm done. I'm so done. I'm so hurt and sad and wonder if I can continue with him.

I love him. My soul loves him. My brain hates him right now.

The blood dries on my hands. I stare and wonder if I will ever figure this out.


  1. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  2. You are good enough, never ever doubt that. You are more than good enough. You are nothing short of staggeringly amazing.

  3. Vixens get their legs caught in traps. Vixens are spirits that give their hearts. Vixens are survivors, they recover, they heal. Nothing can suppress their wild spirit for long. They feel the call. White rabbits gleam, but foxes survive from season to season.

  4. The husband is right. Listen to the Rev, Ms. Char.