Monday, November 29, 2010

Bawk Bawk!

I'm typing this with the five pounds I gained over Thanksgiving break. My fat is functional AND talented.

My Thanksgiving was one of the best evah. We decided to have a poly family Thanksgiving. Nora hosted at her place. She cooked the entire meal. My husband Rev made the pie. The Rabbit made fudge. Nora has a dance studio in her home and my children had a blast wearing belly dancing jingle jangle skirts and twirling around. Ok fine. *I* had a blast wearing jingle jangle skirts and twirling around.

Nora discovered Darling Niki was alone for the night and invited her over. When the kids left the room to watch Spongebob, Niki showed us some moves from her stripper days. I do not suggest attempting to learn the stripper get down on the floor and spread your legs high in the air while experiencing mashed potato bloat.

Dinner was delish! We joked and laughed and gossiped until my oldest daughter puked up an entire life's worth of food onto her plate. At one point I cupped my hands and she blessed me with her mashed potato bloat. Not the first time, nor will it be the last. Parenthood!

The night ended with frozen mini van doors that wouldn't open and Rabbit's car that wouldn't start. My youngest daughter yelled in a panicked voice, "Oh no! We have to rescue my boyfriend!" Rabbit came home with us and the next day my husband took him to work. What? Is that weird? Don't all husbands make sure their wife's boyfriend gets to work on time?

Collection member J was giving me shit for my last post not being sexual. DOOD! I am now on the final week of a three week vaginal penetration limitation due to a surgical procedure. One that has left me crampy and icky and blehhh. Sex? No. Stay away from my sad vag, please. The whole experience has left me overwhelmed and depressed.

Nora and Rev recognized this, and took the kids to Nora's place for a slumber party. They had pizza and dancing and slept in the dance studio. I stayed home and watched hours and hours and hours of movies. BLISS! Pure bliss. Just me in my fuzzy robe and no one to take care and the biggest problem I had to solve was what chips to eat so I could make it a six pound Thanksgiving weight gain.

Oh yes indeedy. An amazing Thanksgiving weekend experiencing the benefits of spending time with our new chosen family.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

We Have The Monopoly

As promised, more about the day to day realities of living poly. Note that the entries in the coming days are going to be less about the sex. BECAUSE I AM NOT HAVING ANY SEX! Stupid vaginal penetration limitation.

A scene from last night.

Picture a sitting room. A lovely sitting room done in wood with huge wooden doors and wood floors and red velvety couches and red curtains. Husband and his gorgeous girlfriend sit on one couch. Rabbit and I sit on the other. On the coffee table between us is St. Louis Monopoly. Just like regular Monopoly but with local streets, attractions, and businesses. Husband's girl lounged across his body. I cuddled closely with Rabbit. We played our game. I could not catch a break. I kept rolling bad numbers. Fuck Monopoly! This game sucks, hahaha.

The youngest woke up and wouldn't go back to sleep. I brought her downstairs and she became the dice thrower. She shot like she was playing craps, which cracked me up. I made hot chocolate (for the adults) with whip cream vodka and chocolate liquor topped with whip cream and chocolate shavings. I put some whip cream in a little bowl with a spoon for my little one. We sat together and played our game like the unique little family that we are.

Wow. That's really fucking cozy.

Yup Shore is.

See, it would have been PERFECTION if I hadn't entered the OH SHIT zone. You know when you indulge in party favors? Alcohol, or whatever drug is your choosing? Heck, count caffeine if you want. And you cross over into the zone where you know you are headed into trouble? The room begins to sway. Dinner starts to rise up in your throat. You realize you cannot stand up a second longer or you will fall over.

OH shit.

That's so not like me. I can handle my chemicals. I can out-chemical just about anyone out there. My tolerance is through the roof. What the hell was going on last night??

Please note I DO NOT do any of that in front of my children. I also do not alter my state of mind unless another adult is around to care for the children, should I have one too many glasses of wine or whatever. The little one happened to wake up and I just happened to enter the Oh Shit Zone at the wrong time. Not a problem. Three of the other adults were perfectly fine. Rev is not a drinker.

Rev walked her back upstairs and put her to bed. I sat with Rabbit and calmed down my dizzies. Keep one foot on the floor at all times, even when reclining. That works, right! 20 mins later and I was back to normal with no yarfing involved, yay!

We then decided to play a question/answer game. Husband's girlfriend has sex and non sex question games. Last night we played the sex questions. Kind of tough when you're poly because the questions about cheating or would you have group sex etc etc are like- DUH. The moral questions of what would happen if you became attracted to someone else don't apply. We need to come up with a poly question game!

As we answered, I looked at my husband and Nora. She's elegant. Well spoken. Calm. Mature. Just like my husband. Then I looked at Rabbit and I. We're a mess. We're loud. Chaotic. Mouthy. Stupid. Goofy. They are the good kids. We are the bad kids.

I suddenly felt uncomfortable. Nora is so together and there I was just this babbling mess. They'd ask a question and seconds later I'd ask, "What was the question?" Good gawd I am so different than Nora. This is why my husband adores her so much. He gets two VERY different ladies in his life. But see the same applies to me. I get two VERY different men.

At one point, Rabbit was asked what surprises him about our relationship. He answered that he keeps finding more and more awesome things about me. Just when he thinks I can't get more awesome, I say something and he goes, "Really? Did she really just say that?" and he gets all impressed and swoony. I said what surprises me about Rabbit is that I'd want to be his friend, even if we didn't have a sexual relationship. I'd want to hang out with him. I'd want to be a close friend and confidant. I really like the guy. He's good for me. He's a goof ball who accepts the fact that I'm a goof ball idiot. He and I are so very much alike.

Nora was tired, so Rev took her home. Rabbit and I went upstairs to the bedroom and watched a ton of Arrested Development on Netflix through the Roku. LOVE THAT SO MUCH! Love Arrested DEvelopment, as I am seeing it for the first time. Love the Roku. Hate DVDs. Hate dealing with DVDs. Does any mom enjoy DVDs? All the previews and the menus and the kids whining because it takes so long. Or one is scratched up and THAT was the one the kids HAD to see. Fuck off DVDs. Streaming entertainment FTW!!

This morning Rabbit headed home to make fudge. Rev made a pie. We are all headed to Nora's for Thanksgiving.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

My Understanding Men

Ok this vaginal penetration limitation from surgery is starting to depress me beyond using humor as a coping mechanism. It's not funny anymore! Actually I just read that a week after the surgery is when things down there get really wonky. Painful. More bleedy. All a part of the healing process. Lovely. Just lovely. So I can't fuck AND it's like having a three week period. A painful one. Happy holidays!

Last night Rabbit worked a night shift. My mother had dropped off already cooked Thanksgiving food before heading off for her out of town plans. My little family had a mini feast. There's enough left over to have a little feast with Rabbit tonight. Tomorrow we go to my husband's girlfriend's house for more celebrating.

Thanksgiving with our chosen family, instead of gathering with family you're assigned that you may or may not enjoy? This just might be the best Thanksgiving ever!

I wonder if people who had an ehhhh family life are more attracted to poly? You really do build your own perfect family. Hmm. Must think more about that.

So last night we had our mini feast and put the kids to bed. Husband and I lounged on the couch and caught up with our shows. My plan was to have some sexy alone time with him. That's when the cramps hit. THe last thing I wanted was sexy alone time. With anyone!

Guilt guilt guilt. I feel broken. I know it's only three weeks but damn! That's like, forever and shit.

I have a husband with a healthy sex drive and a boyfriend with an insatiable one. And I feel so gross I don't even want to give a hand job. This is quite difficult on a woman who really, truly enjoys sex.

That's when Rabbit texted from work, asking if he could come by instead of heading to his place. I was in my granny nightie, no makeup, and feeling like hell and tired. I texted back saying sure, but I'm not up for anything except cuddling. That ok? He said of course. He wanted to get to bed early anyway.

Rabbit arrived while my husband and I were sitting together in bed, talking about my current state of unsexiness. Husband was trying to comfort me. I was also amused/confused that Rabbit was so keen on spending so much time with me lately. Sometimes Rabbit gets in the headspace that he needs to be alone or spend more with friends. Which I get. ANd support! Then there are cycles where he can't get enough of me.

A part of me wishes he'd be in that friend/alone cycle just so I don't disappoint him with my lack of arousal lately!!

Rabbit now has a key to our place. He came in and up to the bedroom. Rabbit curled up behind me. One man held my hand. The other stroked my hair. It was so loving. My husband assured me, "We both love you. You're recovering from surgery." Rabbit said, "What kind of a dick would I be if I got pissed that you weren't in the mood to get me off?"

Husband went to sleep. Rabbit and I stayed up and talked and got silly and laughed ourselves to sleep. We are really clicking in the goofball department lately. Maybe the lack of fucking is causing us to bond more as friends.

This morning I opened my eyes to find Rabbit's face inches from mine. "Hi!" he shouted. "I'm handsome!" He popped up and waved goodbye as he left for work. I laughed, rolled over, and fell back to sleep.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Please Don't Stop The Music

I recently had surgery in my girlie area. What, your feet? That's a girlie area. Girls love shoes! Oh. No? Your hair? Girls love doing their hair. Your purse. You had surgery on your purse. What are you talking about, Charlotte?

Sometimes I channel Rabbit when I speak. I will be cooking and say, "I want to eat the fuck out of these eggs. Yeah, yeah." And my husband will say, "Ok, Rabbit."

Now I'm channeling Rabbit as I write. Isn't it interesting how we take on the isms of those we date?

Right now I'm not taking on any isms. As is jism? Oh my god, I really wrote that. Yes I did. I'll own it! The recent surgery in my girlie area means I'm on a vaginal penetration limitation for THREE WEEKS oh gawd. Three weeks.

We are now one week down. Two very long weeks to go.

Rabbit is a sexy mofo. It's so hard to resist him. It's so hard to be next to him and just make out. Or have some foreplay shenanigans. With Rabbit, it's the size of the wand AND the magic inside. It's the size of the ocean and it's motion. Rabbit is a closer. He's a seducer and he brings it home to mama!

He's a great fuck. OK FINE I SAID IT. I'm owning that one, too!!

Being with Rabbit is getting harder and harder. Hard. I said hard. ACK! Tell me I can't do something and it's ALL I WANT TO DO! It's not easy on Rabbit, either. Sure there are other things we can do. That we do-do. But ehhh... I've never really been a foreplay girl. I know that's SO anti-girl of me. I'm more guy than girl. I likes my intercoursin!

So instead of bonin, we're having nightly music class on my bathroom floor- otherwise known as Flooros. "Where the floor gets lower."

Rabbit will bring over a collection of his favorite music from a particular artist or band he loves. He will then take me through their history and offer trivia and tidbits about the band or the headspace or memories he experienced for those particular songs.

It's win win. I discover music I wouldn't otherwise be exposed to. Which keeps me young. Current. And adds cool new tunage to my rotation. It also gives me more soundtrack selections for my relationship with Rabbit.

Do you do that? Do you soundtrack your life? Songs that sum up a time of your life or an experience or a person you spend time with?

It makes sense. I can't score with Rabbit in the physical sense so I'm scoring our nights with our soundtrack.

The realities of dating poly parents

Yesterday was stressful. The oldest child stayed home from school with the fever/pukes. The youngest children were to be in their first ever school play. How the hell could I be in two places at once?

My mom came to the rescue, offering to watch the oldest child at her place while I went to the play. I went into super frantic mom mode, rushing to get everyone in place, including myself. This is not an easy task, because my mom is the hyper worried type and tends to screw up how to take care of sick kids. She piles a feverish kid with blankets, which just heats them up more. Gives too much or not enough medicine. Feeds a puking kid a sandwich with lettuce. All things I can stand there and ask her nicely not to do. I know she's watching my child for free, but please oh please can you just follow MY directions until I get back?

Of course she did all of the above and snapped at me when I picked up my child. "She is too sick to be out!" Ok but what am I supposed to do? I had to see my little ones in their play.. arrrgggg!! And of course as I walked my child into the house, she puked all over the yard. Lettuce. Of course.

I get my girls into the house and the youngest one sinks to the floor and squeaks out that she doesn't feel well. 103 fever. Her turn! So one girl is dripping with puke and crying. The other girl is starting to cry because she is feverish. The third girl is crying because she saw her sister throw up and it, "scared her out of the crap!"

Which is exactly when my husband called from work, wanting to know if he could go to his girlfriend's house that night to hang out. BUt wait .. she has a class on Monday so I told Rabbit yes to hanging out tonight and he wants to see a movie....

Communication breakdown.

My husband said her class was canceled but it's ok, we can work this out. You go out and she can come over to our place. Huh? What? Hold on! I can't even think right now. Sick kids. Puke mess. Calm the crying. Clean up the mess. Get everyone comfy and happy (?). Oh wait a second. My clients are frantic, needing answers about projects. Let me take care of them and... hold on... someone is crying. And someone else is throwing up... And I need to start dinner. And OF COURSE the dog peed all over the rug.


I gave up at that point. Yes, I wanted to get out of the house for a few hours and get a break and see a movie. But I also knew I would be too worried about the kids to relax. So I sent a text to Rabbit to see if he wouldn't mind just hanging out with me at the house instead.I called my husband and said no really, it's cool. Go to her place tonight.

To Rabbit's credit, he is VERY understanding about last minute plan changes due to kiddo issues. He's dated moms before and I am grateful for those women because they prepared him for MY schedule demands, hah! He came over. My husband put the kids to bed, then left. Rabbit and I sat on the couch and attempted to watch Weeds while pausing the show every five minutes so I could run upstairs and tend to sick kids.

Again, Rabbit was so easy going. He came upstairs to help. The other two had finally fallen asleep. We took the smallest child into bed with us and let her ramble in her feverish state. She said some hilarious things. She said some tender things. "Rabbit, do you want to move in here and live with us forever and ever?" He stroked her hair and answered her questions. It was a sweet moment.

Husband came home at 10pm and took the littlest one and tucked her into bed and fell asleep next to her. Rabbit and I finished our episode of Weeds and then went upstairs and listened to some music and fell asleep.

No, not sexy. Not wild. But THAT is more of what it is like to be poly than the other hot and wild adventures I've written about so far. Communication. Scheduling. Changing plans. Attempting to make it work for everyone involved.

Monday, November 22, 2010

Day to Day Poly Blog?

Feedback from The Collection Blog has been fantastic! I've always wanted to be part of a group blog project and am truly enjoying working with my friends and lovers.

THe one negative that I have personally heard about THe Collection is that people want more information on the day to day life of living poly. What is is REALLY like to have a husband and a boyfriend? For my husband to have a girlfriend? No, really! How does that WORK?

A friend suggested that I open this blog back up again and start documenting the realities of living poly. That way I don't take away space from the other Collection members. The eight of us take turns posting articles and I like to only have one posted per day. My friend's suggestion of using this already established blog as a daily showcase of life in the poly world sounded appealing. In the past I used this blog to document the more... erotic... aspects of poly. I think now I'll do that AND talk about the daily routine, which is never truly routine in my world!

Example: My oldest daughter has the pukies. This morning my husband brought her into our room and tucked her in with me while he took our younger two girls to school. The Rabbit had stayed the night and was getting ready for work. He came out of the bathroom and saw her tucked into bed. He sat on the edge of the bed and rubbed her head and listened to her talk excitedly about how Christmas is a special time for pug dogs. Perhaps we should call it Merry Snaf-mas? (Since Pugs make snarf snarfle sounds.) I watched him smile at her ideas, then he kissed us goodbye and left for the day.

There is much in poly that is quite sexy! But there is more that is about the actual relationship dynamic within the family. In our situation, Rabbit is a part of our family. We all love him and care for him and enjoy having him around.

I want to talk about that, plus what it's really like to have a younger boyfriend. The benefits are obvious but there are also fears. Insecurities. I want to discuss the reality of knowing one day he will move on and date others. That he has to be free to find what my husband and I have. How that terrifies me, yet I understood going into this what will eventually happen. That if you love someone, you have to set them free cliche cliche yaddas.

Balance. It's a word that comes up over and over again in my head lately. How to find balance? Is it possible??

I'm excited to have this blog as an outlet to discuss these issues. I hope you enjoy reading about them!