Thursday, December 9, 2010

Diaper Man!

I went to Target for the first time evah with The Rabbit.

Whoop De Shit. Is that what you're thinking?

Wait. Hear me out. We're totally farking in love and we've never been to Target? Or Walmart? Or the grocery store? Have we? Thinking... thinking...

Nope. Weird. Very weird.

On second thought, perhaps we should never go there together again.

The Rabbit has a character called Diaper Man. Diaper Man was created on OK Cupid as a joke profile. It featured an adult male in a diaper who looked pretty dazed. Just google Diaper Man and you'll find him. He's one of the first pics listed.

Diaper man soon found a voice. And isms. Example- NO FREAKY STUFF! JUST DIAPERS! Diaper Man also fancies items placed in his diapers. Like cheeseburgers. There's even a song.

Rabbit and I would stay up late and record Diaper Man rambling on and then text the recordings to our friends. One time we did it from my husband's phone. My husband changed his password.

Diaper Man has been absent for a few weeks, much to my disappointment. Nothing will make me laugh harder than him. I beg and beg, but Rabbit says no. Diaper Man is at a convention. A sci fi convention? So he thought. But he ended up at the adult baby convention on accident and he only packed his sci fi costumes and he's REALLY angry about that.

Then today, Diaper Man showed up at Target.

We were in the baking goods section. It was crowded with people buying their holiday cookie stuffs when Diaper Man began to shout, "DRIED FRUIT! DRIED FRUIT! I LOVE DRIED FRUIT!!!"

The voice sounds like a man who is a bit... slow.... Heads turned. Then people quickly looked away so they didn't appear to be staring at the mentally slow man. Which happened to be The Rabbit. Who looks like (according to my friends) a cross between Eddie Vedder and Johnny Depp.

I quickly escaped that aisle and ended up in the juice section. Diaper Man followed and shouted, "JUICE! JUICE! I LOVE JUICE!!! JUICE IS GOOD!! GIMME JUICE!!!!"

Much of our relationship is spent acting like idiots. He makes me laugh. He makes me feel young and stupid. I need that.

Do I need Diaper Man yelling at the top of his lungs at Target?

Tonight I'll ask how it went at the convention. Friends, check your phones tomorrow morning for audio texts!

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